Astrid Wilde's Dating Profile

Last Updated:
Me doing a Miley Cyrus impression, February 2020
Take what you need, Give what you can
Neighborhood Pandemic Mutual Aid Project, March 2020

Hello, mi amor

This should be read as my completely sincere attempt to find a female life-partner because I’d rather live in a world where everyone has a dating profile on their website where they're upfront and honest about themselves, their values, and their preferences than a world where everyone is scared to openly express their desires or is stuck using 'dating apps.' If you find yourself looking for the kind of person I happen to be, don’t be a shy butterfly. This place on the internet also exists to help connect with new friends who share similar values, so even if you're not romantically interested but just want to get tea and talk about unconditional self-love or Critical Rationalism then please reach out! 🦋

The basics

  • Age: 28
  • Sex: Male
  • Location: Currently in Boise, Idaho but open to living anywhere there’s sun and mountains nearby. My work is location independent.
  • Body: Athletic, 180cm and 67kg
  • Monogamy: I am only interested in becoming romantically entangled with one person. I won’t ask for my partner to pretend they aren’t attracted to the beauty in other humans. I like the idea of dedicating myself wholly to a relationship for the long-term and building a life together, and I also don’t like telling my partner how to live their life. If you also like the idea of truly committing yourself to one person, great. If not, it's probably best if you look elsewhere.
  • Children: Currently don't have any children in my care. I love the idea of taking care of children but I would rather adopt than have biological offspring. I am open to both in the future if biological children are important to you.

Joy, Play, Learning 📈

I have nearly infinite patience for children and believe they are fully rational and creative humans. I was home educated for my entire life, which is just another way of saying that my inner child is still very much alive. I have a lifelong addiction to learning, and solving problems with others is my greatest joy. I am looking for a partner who emobodies wuwei, will inspire my own creativity, and with whom I can collaboratively solve problems. My natural proclivity in groups is to gravitate to mediation and leadership roles. Friends and family have called me a 'peace-maker,' a 'whistle-blower,' and 'some local documentarian.' People are innately interesting to me and I spend a not-insignificant portion of my time preserving other's knowledge.

About Me

Optimism/Unconditional Love: I believe that a world of abundance is both possible and realistic, and that we can attain it while simultaneously eliminating suffering. I do not believe suffering is inevitable, instead I believe that we all deserve unconditional love and self-love. I strive to eliminate coercion in all forms (including self-coercion) whenever possible. I think that trying to motivate and control people (including ourselves) with praise, rewards, guilt, shame, and punishments is a form of conditional love that crushes the creative spirit within us. People are more complex than the Behaviorists give us credit for and their methods of control and influence are patronizing and dehumanizing and should be relegated to the dustbin of history. I believe people are good and well intentioned, that problems have solutions, and that all people are fallible, including and especially myself. I believe that I am the author of my own destiny and that the responsibility for my own experience in the world begins and ends with myself. If you believe in celebrating the intrinsic value of life and the limitless goodness in the world manifested in others by treating people (including yourself, and children!) with compassion, humility, and unconditional love: There's nothing else I need to know about you, let's get tea already! I'm sure we will be fast friends.

My Personality: My sister says my humor is ‘too deadpan.’ I like irony, and strongly dislike sarcasm. There's an inverse linear correlation between my conversational style and the number of people in the room (fewer people = lower deference). In a crisis I immediately assume a leadership role and will be the first to act and the last to panic. It takes a lot to emotionally unsettle me. I don’t engage in gossip. I have above average social confidence and well below average epistemic confidence. I enjoy spending time in shared silence with friends, but also love having week-long conversations in the mountains. I live a more minimalistic lifestyle than most so that I have more resources available to give to others. I’m almost always humming, singing, or dancing as I go about my life. I like ideas and I spend a lot of time reading history, psychology, and philosophy. If Enneagrams are meaningful to you then you could put me somewhere between type 8 and type 9.

My Relationship Disposition: I don’t believe in restricting 'allowable behaviors' outside of the relationship. That social script feels coercive and patronizing to me. If hooking up with your best friend brings you joy, by all means, pursue your joy. Personally I've never yet experienced sexual desire outside of a pre-existing relationship. I would like to be involved in a mutually committed relationship with a shared understanding that we are building a life together for the long-term, free from coercion. I have a Secure attachment style.

Gender/Aesthetics: Some people in my life refer to me using ‘she/her’ pronouns, others use 'he/him' and I don't see what the big deal about it all is but enough people have asked me about it that it felt neccesary to include here. Please refer to me however feels right to you as you get to know me. I was assigned male at birth and don’t plan on doing anything to change my biological sex. I don’t identify as either transsexual or transgender but I do regularly dress in a more feminine way than the average male and don't correct people who categorize me in any particular way to fit their own worldview. I see identity categories as tools of social coercion so I abstain from self-identity whenever possible. If you’re looking for someone with a strictly masculine aesthetic you won’t find them here.

My Politics/Philosophy: Broadly speaking it would not be inaccurate to label my philosophy as a kind of relentlessly optimistic libertarian pacifism. Others might simply call me a Critical Rationalist. If neither of those labels me anything to you, then here is a brief breakdown: I would prefer to live in a world with less coercion and suffering in all forms (ideally none) and I make concious efforts to reduce both in my own life wherever I encounter them. I think the spontaneous order of markets are a thing of beauty and are incalculably preferable to having Authorities decide which human needs are deserving of being met and which aren’t. I would prefer to live in a world where disputes are resolved without putting people in cages, social ostracism, violence, and threats. Instead, I want to live in a world that maximizes for peace, knowledge, joy, and creative flourishing and I value markets for their ability to provide for people's diverse and emergent needs while simultaneously increasing standards of living, expanding access to knowledge, and reducing violence. I make an effort to practice Non-Violent Communication and Taking Children Seriously and consider both to be of central importance for creating a world without coercion (and in the meantime they make my relationships incredibly more fulfilling and joyful!)

Family of Origin: I’m the eldest of four siblings and I love and get along with my three younger sisters incredibly well, though they have radically different values than I do. My parents raised me into an Evangelical Christian homeschooling cult that they were not happy I left, though these days my dad and I get along fine. My mom still struggles to accept our differences in values since I left. Because of the way I grew up I have almost no frame of reference for popular culture, so celebrity names and movie quotes will go over my head 95% of the time. One of the more positive things to come of it though is that I've read almost the entirety of the Western canon so I will get your philosophy and history references.

My Ideal Family: If children were part of the picture I wouldn’t want my children to be forced to do anything against their will. I’d like to extend as much authority to them about their lives as possible, including their education. Ideally I’d like to find a partner that would be willing to share in the role of raising children in the tradition of Taking Children Seriously. If that is not a philosophy you are familiar with I would love to have a conversation about it with you!

On Animals: I haven't participated in the killing or eating of animals for most of my life because knowingly contributing directly to the end of someone else’s life, or treating another's life as a mere resource or utility for my own ends would weigh heavy on my heart. I went fishing once with my opa when I was young and saw a fish die, which emotionally broke me. That was enough for me to realize I don’t see the Hominidae and other animal life as morally distinct to the same degree that others around me appear to. If you share this intuition, that's an extra-extra bonus.

My Biggest Influences: These are the people whose ideas have had the largest impact on the way I live my life and my values:

Nathaniel Branden, Sarah Fitz-Claridge, David Deutsch, Karl Hess, John Holt, Marie Kondo, Astrid Lindgren, George MacDonald, Marshall McLuhan, Karl Popper, Ayn Rand, Marshall Rosenberg, Henry David Thoreau, Leo Tolstoy, Lao Tzu, Oscar Wilde.


If you've read this far and find some of the values expressed here familiar or interesting, consider this permission to make your move in whatever way that looks like to you. I am open to invites to social events (even if they require travel), I would love to read a similar profile about yourself (I completely stole this idea from uncatherio and am sure she won't mind you stealing it too), or simply show up at the places I frequent. Right now, that happens to be on Twitter (DMs are always welcome) and I recently started posting on Substack but you can also find me

  • at political events behind a camera 📷 (maybe I'll publish them on the internet one day)
  • fundraising for the food pantry I helped create or making food for Boise Mutual Aid 🍞
  • on rollerskates around town and at roller derby events 🛼
  • at almost every HE/LIUM SHE/LIUM show 🎵
  • interviewing friends for my podcast about humanizing the 'Other' 🎙️
  • waiting for the University of Pittsburgh to open up again and let me access their archives so I can bring the early history of paramedicine in the United States into the public domain (ask me about this if you dare, I could talk about it for hours)
Giving out Unconditionally Free food to Boise State University students, Fall 2019

Autumn and Winter 2021-2022 I will be visiting

  • Spokane, WA ✔️
  • Missoula, MT ✔️
  • Ashevile, NC ✔️
  • Portland, OR ✔️
  • Los Angeles, CA
  • Phoenix, AZ
  • Pittsburgh, PA
  • Austin, TX (for vibecamp!)

and I'd love to meetup if you happen to live nearby!

If all else fails I'm always responsive to friendly e-mails. Especially ones inviting me out for tea, hiking, and deep conversation!